


I Still Remember You

by Foxxi_Is_A_Paradox



Series: Fated Love (WonTaek) [2]
Category: VIXX
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, I'm Sorry, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Memories, Past Character Death, Regret, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-30
Updated: 2017-09-30
Packaged: 2018-12-30 20:24:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,895
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12116559
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Foxxi_Is_A_Paradox/pseuds/Foxxi_Is_A_Paradox
Summary: Even after all this time, Taekwoon still remembers and it still hurts.A bunch of snapshots from Taekwoon's life 2 years after Wonshik died.-Set afterA Painful Death (A Beautiful Lie)You should probably read it first.





	I Still Remember You

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Criminal_Master_Mine](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Criminal_Master_Mine/gifts).



> The parts in italics are memories. If you haven't read the prequel you might wanna do that first.  
> Pls don't kill me it's 2am and I can't die at 2am.

Taekwoon was alone.

It wasn't a new sensation, but it still hurt. It hurt to know that there was no one in the world for him.

It had been 2 years since Taekwoon decided to live in solitude, alone with his thoughts and memories.

2 years since his life changed forever, all because of his ignorance.

It had been 2 years since Wonshik died.

Even after all that time, Taekwoon still wasn't over it. After all, if the person who meant the most to you died because of you, you wouldn't find it easy to just let it go and move on, would you? 

He and Wonshik were a fated pair, soulmates. They had been born to love each other. It was written into their DNA, in the very fibre of their beings. But Taekwoon had ruined it, he had remained oblivious to Wonshik's feelings for him and in the end, Wonshik had died of hanahaki, the disease caused by rejection from one's soulmate. 

Taekwoon had killed Wonshik. His soulmate.

How could he just go on living happily when he caused the death of the one person who had truly and selflessly loved him? He couldn't. So he sold his apartment and bought a small cottage in the mountains for quite cheap. And there he'd stayed for the next two years, alone with his guilt in the quietness of the mountain.

-

Over time, he'd become quite at home in the small cottage. Amazingly, the house came with a piano, perfectly suited to him. It seemed like a small miracle and Taekwoon often wondered how exactly the piano had been brought up to the cottage.

The piano was what kept Taekwoon sane. He spent hours on end sitting there, his elegant fingers gliding effortlessly over keys. Sometimes he played songs he'd learnt, fingers sounding out the notes with practised ease.

Other times, Taekwoon played songs he created himself. He'd spend hours sitting there pouring all his pain and guilt into the music, the notes of hurt and loneliness echoing on the silent mountainside.

These sessions often ended with him breaking down, crying tears of regret hunched over the blue piano with its worn out keys.

He tried to be happy, he really did, he tried his best to live so Wonshik's death would not be in vain. But it was so hard to smile and be happy when on the inside, he was devastated and broken.

-

Everyone views people with soulmates, fated pairs, as lucky. Taekwoon doesn't feel very lucky.

-

Usually, when the guilt and sadness became too much to bear, Taekwoon would go out for a walk. He must have walked all the trails on the mountain, following each different path like his life depended on it. More often than not, he'd find himself in the small clearing in the middle of the woods almost halfway up the mountain. 

That was his favourite place to be outside. It was quiet and peaceful and it calmed him. He would often sit there, fiddling with the grass and small plants around while humming a tune, reflecting on the good things in life. The wildlife was not afraid of him and occasionally a curious bunny or two would scamper up to him, noses twitching inquisitively. There were also a lot of birds and Taekwoon often brought bread for them as well as vegetables for the bunnies. The time spent in the little clearing was by far his favourite time. 

But eventually, the sun would begin to lower in the sky, and the birds and bunnies made themselves scarce as the sky darkened, signifying the end of the day. Wearily, Taekwoon would make his way back to his cottage, alone.

-

He used to wonder what it would be like if they were more than friends. If they were closer than even the best of friends, able to share experiences even best friends could not share.

He used to wonder if he was allowed to dream, to dream of finding love with him, the one person who really understood and valued him.

He always scolded himself for having these thoughts.

'He's too good for you, Taekwoon, he deserves far better.'

'He's your best friend, how could you feel this way for him?'

'You couldn't possibly believe he'd like you.. emotionless, uninteresting, plain you? Never.'

'He is literal sunshine and you are the dullest and coldest human being alive. So stop dreaming.'

He didn't stop dreaming. He couldn't stop dreaming.

So he went out and he met others. And he met Hakyeon. And he pushed his dreams and feelings into a box, locked it, and threw away the key.

Oh how he regrets it.

-

The only contact he ever has with others occurs when he goes down to the village at the foot of the mountain to restock his supplies.

While it was nice to see other human beings for a change, Taekwoon didn't often enjoy his trips down to the village. The store hand, a tall guy with the mind of a six year old by name of Sanghyuk never stopped pestering him with questions about who he was and where he came from and why he always looked so depressed and if he wanted to buy another bag of bell peppers because these bell peppers were the best ones ever, to which Taekwoon would answer; somebody, somewhere, none of your business and no, all peppers are evil.

This was pretty annoying but the biggest reason every visit made Taekwoon look forward less and less to his trips to the village was the fact that Sanghyuk had a fated lover, a baker called Hongbin. How did Taekwoon know this? Because Sanghyuk wouldn't shut up about it.

And they had to be the sappiest couple Taekwoon had ever laid eyes on. They were the kind who would be likely to share a romantic kiss in the middle of a lake surrounded by magical singing animals and blooming flowers with the moonlight shining just right on the ever loving couple. Taekwoon wanted to vomit sunshine and rainbows at the thought.

To be honest, it really hurt Taekwoon to see them so happy together when he was doomed to die alone, having messed up his one chance at love. He was envious of their perfect relationship and he was big enough of a person to admit it.

Because of the Couple of Perpetual Happiness, Taekwoon would have only gone to the village once in a blue moon. But there's only so much one guy can carry up a mountain, so Taekwoon was stuck having to visit at least twice a month.

Still, that had its perks. It made sure he usually got Hakyeon's letters on time. Every so often, Hakyeon would write to him, telling him about how life was back in Seoul and reminding Taekwoon that there was at least one person out there somewhere who still cared about him. He would always write back, being his usual savage self but always making it clear to Hakyeon how thankful he was.

Soon after Wonshik died, he had broken up with Hakyeon. Hakyeon had been very understanding about the whole situation and didn't object to ending their relationship. Because even though Hakyeon had never said anything about it, Taekwoon could tell that he felt guilty for being with Taekwoon and blinding him to the love he was destined to have. They stayed friends after they broke up, though, and Taekwoon was grateful to Hakyeon for constantly being there for him.

And now, even after 2 years, Hakyeon still wrote to him, providing Taekwoon with a link to the outside world. Hakyeon had moved on and was now dating a guy called Jaehwan. Taekwoon was glad Hakyeon was happy, he didn't want to cause misfortune to any more people.

But, like with Sanghyuk and Hongbin, he still felt a small twinge of jealousy and sadness at the thought that everyone was getting their happy ending but him.

-

_"Taekwoon, why do we live?"_

_"People live for many different reasons, to gain knowledge, for the sake of someone else, to make a mark in the world, to contribute to society, to make a change, to enjoy living, to love, to feel, to eat kimbap, it depends on the person really._

_"I think I exist for the sake of someone else."_

_"Oh."_

_"Everything I do revolves around them. I'm like a planet orbiting a sun."_

_"....... You really are poetic."_

_"Yeah."_

-

Sometimes, Taekwoon would wake up with a jolt and a choked sob, visions of Wonshik dying haunting his dreams. It was always the same dream.

Taekwoon would run into Wonshik's room, calling for him. Wonshik would be there, sitting on the bed, staring down at the floor. As Taekwoon approached him, Wonshik would look up and, with his face streaked with tears and flower petals flowing from his mouth, say in a voice oh so broken and choked; "You did this, Taekwoon, you killed me." Then the flower petals would begin to fill the room, slowly surrounding the both of them till everything went black.

Every time he had this dream he found it impossible to go back to sleep, visions of Wonshik's tear-streaked face haunting him every time he closed his eyes. He always ended up crying for the rest of the night, alone in his house with no one to comfort him.

-

_Hakyeon smiled radiantly, greeting Wonshik. Taekwoon looked between his best friend and his new boyfriend, eager for them to get to know each other._

_Wonshik was rather subdued, for some reason, replying to all of Hakyeon's questions with basic answers and a smile that looked rather strained. Taekwoon frowned a bit. Was he not well? As a rule, Wonshik was usually very cheerful._

_Before Taekwoon could ask him if he was fine though, Wonshik got up, made a hasty excuse and walked out of there faster than Taekwoon had ever seen him leave a room, leaving a confused Hakyeon in his wake._

_Busy puzzling over Wonshik's strange behaviour, Taekwoon had failed to notice the hurt in his best friend's eyes and the stiff demeanour of someone who had just had their heart broken._

-

Taekwoon doesn't remember Wonshik's funeral. 

He doesn't remember Wonshik's mother's anguished sobs as she cried for her son.

He doesn't remember Hakyeon standing next to him looking pale and tired.

He doesn't remember Wonshik lying lifeless in the casket, his brown eyes that used to be full of warmth now shut forever.

He doesn't remember all the people who stopped to offer condolences or to pat him on the back, trying to comfort him, knowing how close he and Wonshik had been. If they had known just what Taekwoon was to Wonshik, then they wouldn't be so sympathetic.

He doesn't remember the crushing sensation as he watched Wonshik's coffin being lowered into the ground, the truth of the matter finally hitting him, numbing his senses.

He doesn't remember.

~~He remembers all too well~~

-

_"Taek, why are you crying??" Wonshik's concerned voice cut through the suffocating darkness in Taekwoon's room._

_"I-I'm not cry-ing" Taekwoon turned to face the wall, trying to calm down and stop the tears from flowing._

_"Don't lie to me, Taekwoon." Wonshik's voice is low and worried, Taekwoon can tell he's really concerned for him. And it makes him feel bad._

_"I-I'm f-fine." Taekwoon clutches the blanket tighter around him, wishing he could disappear._

_He hears quiet footsteps as Wonshik crosses the room and tenses slightly as he feels the other sit down next to him. Wonshik doesn't say anything, he just puts his arms around Taekwoon and holds him close until his sobbing gradually dies down to quiet sniffles._

-

Taekwoon remembers the day Wonshik gave him the spare key to his apartment.

_"Here."_

_"What's this?"_

_"The spare key to my apartment."_

_"Why are you giving it to me of all people?"_

_"Because I trust you the most."_

Wonshik's sincere smile as he handed him the key on a little silver key ring with a small charm of a hamster dangling from it is the best part of the memory. It's one of Taekwoon's favourite memories. But it's also one of the saddest.

-

The day he first met Wonshik is a day Taekwoon looks back at with mixed emotions. It's a bittersweet memory, reminding him of how he met this amazing person who brought light to his life but also how by meeting him, he doomed him to die. 

He remembers the exchange like it was just yesterday.

_Taekwoon approached the table nervously."Um, excuse me..?"_

_The stranger sitting there looked up and brown eyes met blue. All at once Taekwoon felt like something really significant had just happened, though he had no clue what. The stranger's eyes widened slightly and he seemed to be in shock, mouth falling open slightly as he stared at Taekwoon. A shiver went down Taekwoon's spine as he stared back into those deep chocolate brown eyes._

_Fidgeting under the intense stare, Taekwoon coughed nervously. At once the stranger blinked and looked away, a blush spreading over his cheeks. Taekwoon found it oddly... cute?_

_"May I sit here? All the other places are taken.."_

_The stranger blinked up at him a few times like he was processing the request._

_"Ah, yes, sure, make yourself comfortable."_

_Taekwoon sat down, occasionally glancing at the stranger who he was now sitting opposite to. Up close, he was quite good looking. Taekwoon found himself staring at the stranger, studying his face._

_Suddenly he looked up and Taekwoon quickly looked away, cursing himself for being so obvious. The most awkward thing in life is to be caught staring at someone._

_But he really couldn't help it. There was something about this stranger that had caught Taekwoon's attention and wouldn't let it go. After getting caught staring a few more times, Taekwoon finally manned up and asked the stranger what he was writing._

_The stranger was more than happy to tell him about his work and before long, Taekwoon found himself chatting with him like they'd known each other for ages. The stranger's name was Wonshik and he wrote some of the most touching things Taekwoon had ever read. He had a way with words, molding them into stories and poems with incredible feeling behind them. Taekwoon was in awe._

_Taekwoon was surprised at how easy he found it to talk to Wonshik, he was a guarded and shy person by nature and often found it hard to talk freely with people he had just met. But with Wonshik, he found it easy to speak and laugh and joke and let his guard down. By the time he got up to leave, Taekwoon was determined to meet Wonshik again. He wasn't sure why, but he really wanted to._

If Taekwoon had known what would have been caused by those moments in the cafe he would never have asked the kind looking stranger with the many notebooks for a seat. 

-

Dear Taekwoon,

The weather is finally getting warmer! How is it for you? Is it still cold? I heard it's usually very cold in the mountains. Dress well or you'll catch a cold!! I wish you'd let me come and visit, you must be really lonely all by yourself up there. Jaehwan and I are going to get a cat! I promise I will send pictures, I know how much you love cats. Have you been taking care of yourself? Make sure to eat well and keep warm. Don't mope around too much, it isn't healthy. I know you're still sad and I understand, but I'm concerned. Try to be at least a little happy, okay? Don't die of depression Taekwoonie, I'd miss your sarcastic letters.

Your friend, Cha Hakyeon.

P.s Jaehwan says hi

-

Taekwoon was a pianist and Wonshik was a writer. And as such, it's no real surprise that at some point they had made a song together. Wonshik had always expressed a desire to write songs as well as poems and stories and, out of a desire to help Wonshik achieve his dream, Taekwoon had volunteered to create the melody.

It was a bittersweet song, a song about contentment tinged with longing, a song about someone who was content to see the one they loved happy with someone else, even if it hurt them. The melody was perfect for the two of them, Wonshik's low voice fitting perfectly with Taekwoon's higher one.

Thinking back on the lyrics, Taekwoon now sees them for what they really were. Wonshik's true feelings, exposed in broad daylight and he was still too blind to see.

Taekwoon still knows the song by heart, and sometimes, he sings it to himself as he plays the piano, though each note hurts like someone is stabbing him in the heart.

-

Occasionally Taekwoon is happy for a little, occasionally he gets a chance for a bit of joy. He always likes to savour those moments because he knows that they are fleeting and that soon the loneliness would return and he'd feel even worse.

Memories of Wonshik both haunt and comfort Taekwoon. He looks back at the experiences they shared with fondness tainted by guilt and anger at himself for ending the life of someone that had so much more to give. 

-

Alone.

Sad.

Guilty.

Angry.

Scarred.

Alone.

Reflective.

Lost.

Depressed.

Desolate.

_Alone._

 

Jung Taekwoon.

**Author's Note:**

> FINALLY DONEEEE  
> Behold, the sequel! Still angsty af tho :')
> 
> Fun fact, there is a 77 word long sentence in here somewhere
> 
> This originally was going to flow as one story but somewhere along the line, I realized it would be easier and deeper if I made it like this.  
> Tbh, idk if I succeeded in making it deep lol :')
> 
> Somehow, reading over this, I realize managed to put in humor as well lol  
> I'm a horrible person oml so sorry  
> But adding humour to things is how I cope with sadness and feels and serious stuff :')  
> I did it subconsciously pls don't murder me
> 
> For some reason it took me 5000000 years to realize that a 'fated pair' and soulmates were essentially the same thing  
> I'm so dumb :')
> 
> This has a lot of lowkey Neo I suddenly realize :')
> 
> Thank you for reading!  
> I hope you enjoyed this.... thing  
> It was very all over the place, so I hope you understood the story
> 
> Also, thank you Criminal Master Mine (that's too long to type so from now on imma call u CMM) for uploading the latest chapter of your fic and motivating me to finish this  
> I owe u fam :')


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